Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Hot Tempers and Hot Temperatures

Good morning dear friend!

It is a busy day for me here out in the greenhouse, but I wanted to check in with you and say hello :)

It is going to be a scorcher today with temperature indexes up to 107.  I hope the tomatoes are not suffering too much--we are cooling the greenhouse down as much as we can.  A few of our tomatoes are suffering greatly from the amount of rain we received the other day, and a few were underwater.  We had lowered the sides, but the land is uneven and a few tomatoes were in a catchment.  They are planted in the ground, under cover, so it would be very difficult to backfill.  We are going to dig a trench today and mound up around the tomatoes that are prone to flooding.  

I had planned to do this tomorrow, but there is severe weather coming through and any outdoor activities need to be done today.  We will be extremely diligent to keep cool, to stop often, and to hydrate much.

As for hot tempers... :)

This morning I got involved in a discussion online. I love a good, rational, calm, discussion.  I delight in playing with point of views and facts and studies, turning them over and around and looking at all sides.   I am a scientist at heart.  I like counter points, and welcome the testing of my fences in terms of what I think, because if my ideas cannot withstand scrutiny, then I need to rethink them.  

(I believe I got that from my sweet mother and her father.  Her father would present a subject for debate after supper.  Halfway through the discussion, he would say "switch" and she would have to debate the OPPOSITE side.   It was an excellent practice in knowing both sides, understanding both sides, then knowing what was right.  They were not only intellectually rigorous, but also spiritually so, and logic and spirituality, science and faith, imbued their minds and hearts and spirits.  I still struggle with pride and "rightness", however)

However,  we have to be careful to always conduct ourselves online as if we were in person.  There is a real live human with real live struggles on the other side.  If we would not say something to their face, then we should not say it on line.  We should always make sure that EVERY SINGLE WORD, spoken, typed, or thought is graceful and seasoned with salt.  It is inevitable that we will disagree, but we have to be careful to be thoughtful, even if we are just debating with someone online.

One thing that sorrowed me about this discussion is that it lost its rational edge.   When we stop answering someone's points of logic, and instead start criticising unrelated people, the conversation is lost.  In this case, it was a study presented by someone who might not be the best spokesman for the study.  The study was sound, but the presenter was someone that might be seen as divisive.  However, that person's personality does not change the results of the study, and the discussion was the study itself.

This happens when we feel defensive about something.  We lash out or start picking apart other people as persons instead of analyzing and debating data.  It is an emotional, not rational, reaction.  It is natural--no one likes to have "the other side" be right about anything!  We start attacking, all of us, when we feel we are being attacked.  However, what we FEEL and what is TRUE can be two different things.  We must be careful that, in any situation, we are gentle with the heart of the other person.  Mocking, snarking, name calling, all are signs of weakness.  It takes a LOT more strength to be calm and loving in the face of "attack" than to mock, be sarcastic, and troll.  Those things are easy.

In regards to intellectual rigor--the Lord gave us sound minds.  He gave us rational thought.  He gave us logic and order.  We should make sure that any thoughtful discussion we get into uses logic and reason, and that we do not let it dissolve into a snark fest.  When we see the other person getting upset, it is often good to withdraw, for at that point, even if we have the exact right answer, they are defensive and will not hear it.  It is a kindness to them, and to the point you are trying to make.  There is always time later to readdress, carefully and full of logic and grace, what points need to be made.

And when we find ourselves about ready to send a "zinger" (and trust me, we all have that desire!), then  we must stop.  Right there.  Our arguing at that point is filled with anger, not love.  Pride, not care.  In order not to bring dishonor to ourselves or the Lord, we must pause, stop, breathe, pray until our words again become sweet, fresh water that bubbles out, not salty bitter water that spews out.  It is hard.  I fail.  But this is a worthy goal to try to attain and the Lord will empower us to do it as long as we do not let our hot tempers get in the way :)



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