Struggling With Faith When Others Seem To Get It

My dear one,

I was thinking today about my faith walk.  My faith is so much stronger than it used to be.  I have endured much through the grace of God and He has made me better than I ever could be alone.  I have known joy in trial, how to forgive, and even occasionally (perhaps rarely :) ), patience.

However, it has not always been this way.  I remember feeling like a fake at church.  I remember praying and my prayers seeming to get stuck in the popcorn ceiling.  I remember doubts and even a fair bit of grouchiness to the Lord.  I have felt far and sinful, and sometimes I even deliberately WENT far and sinful.  When I saw people with such deep sincere faith--their voice filled with hope, their faces filled with peace and their days filled with joy--it made me feel like a phony.   I yearned for the Lord, but could not figure out how to find what they had.

Read that last sentence, my sweet one, because the start of the secret to finding what I was seeking lies in there--I yearned for the Lord.  That is all I needed to do!  I desired Him and eagerly, if imperfectly, sought Him.

So where did I go wrong and why didn't I feel close to Him?  Because I kept trying to make faith instead of accept what He gave.  I kept trying to earn His love instead of just letting Him love me.  I kept trying to MAKE and to DO and to FORCE when I needed to TRUST and REST and BE.

You see, He already loves you.  He already has taken care of you.  You would not desire Him if He had not put that there in you....so your very longing for Him is proof for you that you have Him.  Truly, let me say that again:  your desiring Him means that He is there for you.  He will never leave you--even when you are doubtful or concerned or grouchy. 

(Now, if you do not long for Him, all is not lost.  People come to Him at different times.  But I encourage you strongly to start looking for Him and He will be right there for you. )

I discovered that my problem is that I was striving because I did not really accept and understand His love.  Once I started resting in His love, suddenly faith and a faithful life became a lot easier.  Suddenly there was no condemnation of old sins....or new sins!  Suddenly my prayers went farther than the roof and church went from "have to" to "want to". 

In fact, I found that my prayers became more real and fulfilling when I stopped only saying "God I love You" and instead started sometimes saying "God You love me"!  We love Him because he first loved us....but we forget that last part and sometimes never understood it at all.  So if you love Him then you KNOW that He loves you.  You can rest in that.  The Bible declares it.

So if you are like I was (and honestly, still am from time to time) intimidated because you don't weep at church or glow with supernatural joy, just be patient my love.  Draw closer to Him and He WILL draw closer to you--He never lies and He said this very thing.  Start with the basics:  accepting in your heart His love for you.  Everything else will fall into place, I promise.

The Great Chicken Shuffle

My dear one,

My how time flies!  Yesterday it was time for the Itty Biddies to go to the coop with the grown chickens.  It seemed just a couple of weeks ago we were beside ourselves with excitement as the first pips of our first chicks from our first chickens had begun!

It has been a (rather dusty) pleasure to have them in our living room.  We practiced good care of the brooder so the only odor was fresh pine shavings.  It was fun to watch them "battle" and play and bicker and try to peck through the walls of the brooder.

However, we needed to integrate them with the big flock soon.  I want Chandler to be the head rooster, as his temperament is just too wonderful for words.  I am hoping that he can establish his authority since the Itty Biddies are not fully grown.

TWS put a wire corral in the floor of the coop and covered it with wood for them to go in.  This allows the grown chickens and the biddies to get used to each other before they are fully integrated.  We also banded them. 

The Itty Biddies a few days ago.  Look how beautiful their tails are coming in!!

 

A closer shot.  They loved playing king of the roost when we first put it in.

 

Then the two Micro Biddies got to be in the big brooder!  They moved from the tiny starter brooder to the large brooder that the Itty Biddies had been in.  They have so much room!  Too much, in fact--  TWS came in this morning and found them huddling in a corner beside their heating plate.  We had to move the heating plate to where they were so they did not get cold.

They are still in my kitchen, in the big brooder, but my living room is currently chicken free and much more quiet.

 You can see the difference between the two Micro Biddies.  One has long legs (a DQ fault in the breed, but necessary to keep in genetically as two short legged genes will cause death in the egg).  The one on the right has short legs and also sits perfectly for the breed--chest out, a U shaped back, etc.

Love this picture :)

Our long legged hen.

I have also decided on meat/egg chickens and duck breeds.  For we will use Buff Orps and Naked Neck Turkens for meat and eggs.  Those with great personalities and are good layers get to stay.  Those who are aggressive or have DQ faults will get et.

We will be jump starting our meat chicken harvest with Cornish Cross.  These are the "production chickens" your mother warned you about :).  However a)proper management will keep them from being blobs of feathers with leg and heart problems and b)we plan to harvest early, before they can get those problems.  This will give us time to let our heritage breeds get to eating size.

Instead of Cornish Cross, we might try Red Rangers.  That is still a bit up in the air. 

I have been desiring ducks for the pond.  I would just love to walk out and feed ducks stale bread like I did when I was in college.  We had a bayou running through the center of the school and the ducks were always such fun to watch.  I am thinking about getting a few Pekins (they are called Pekins rather than Pekings :)  Peking duck is the cooked, Pekin duck is still on the wing :)).

Additionally, ducks apparently eat wasps and we have many of those around here.  Those and hornets are the two of God's creatures that I just cannot seem to live calmly with.

Today's task list:  some business, establishing a walking trail in the back 40.   

Bread: Naan

Hello!

I thought I would share with you our naan bread.  I enjoy bread baking, but often run out of time to let a dough fully rise twice and bake.  This bread does rise once (though I am going to play and see if it is necessary), but it has no second rise and cooks on a griddle.

I used this recipe.   It calls for greek yogurt which gives the bread a wonderful texture and rich flavor. the bread, especially buttered and lightly sprinkled with salt, tastes like a cross between homemade white bread and pretzels.

After the dough has risen once, the recipe says to divide it into 8 pieces.  Truthfully that makes HUGE pieces naan.  I would recommend at least 12-16 pieces.  I did not make mine perfect--I love the rustic look of the bread.

Butter and salt (or whatever seasoning you like--cumin might go well with a curry dish, or garlic with a roast) both sides and put the naan on a griddle (I have a large one for making lots of pancakes at a time and it still took me two batches to cook all these!).   It takes only a minute or three per side, especially if you had rolled them flatter (no smaller than 1/4 inch.  Mine were closer to 1/2 inch thick)

Look at those beautiful bubbles forming!  The first side will not have the gorgeous brown bubbles, but the second side should.

A close up...see that wonderful butter and kosher salt?  I am starving already!

This recipe makes a STACK of naan.  These are thick, hearty but not heavy flat breads.  They are also Precious' favorite and a great bread to make on a cold morning or with a stew :)  I could see these also being phenomenal with added sugar and perhaps cinnamon in the dough.  Or maybe some berries or apples in the dough.  And with syrup. 

A note about butter:  I had gotten a brick of Kerrygold butter.  I am not sure if you have tried it, but it has an odd margarine flavor.  In fact, if someone had given me a taste test, I would have said it was Parkay! It is supposed to be from grass fed cows, but truly it tastes more margaine than "grass fed".  It might be my taste buds, but I think from now on I will stick with regular butter.  I used the Kerrygold exclusively with the first batch, but ran out and had to add some regular butter.  It tasted better.  Actually, one of my next projects is homemade cultured butter--I will let you know how that goes--it is supposed to be amazing!

My Indoor Winter Garden

Good morning my sweet friend!

I never had a green thumb at all.  Though I post photos on here of lush landscapes, that is all the Lord not me....I get involved in too many projects to always remember to water faithfully (which is actually a benefit if you grow orchids in moss).   Truly.  I am not a natural gardener, but there is a tender little place in my heart that is often touched beyond reason by a growing thing.

For example, when we were in Alaska, I kept a little gardenia by my computer.  You know, my dear friend, that winter and dark are hard on me, and finding a gardenia in a local nursery was a Godsend.

One day I had been in town and my son told me on the phone that my gardenia had bloomed.  I was pleased and thanked him for the information.  When I came home, I took one look at that flower and burst into tears.  SOBBING tears, shuddering, gasping, choking tears.  Everyone was surprised, including me! :)  Even then the rational part of my brain was thinking "What on EARTH??" while my heart broke wide in two and out flowed salt water down my cheeks.

Grandmother's roses, a "first-real-dance" carnation, a magnolia tree that delighted at a relative's house....all these are little growing parts of our souls. There is something about nature that we crave, that we need.  Indeed when I look at all those beautiful homes in Veranda or Southern Living or when I watch tv, my eye is drawn to the windows and what plants are growing outside, if it is summer or spring or winter.

One thing I love to have inside my house is what I call my Winter Garden.   I stash interesting plants here and there, tender trees that cannot survive the cold, such as my plumeria, some begonias that I have been growing through winters, etc.

They are all kind of leggy and scrawny and "more-or-less greenish", but they make me happy...

ESPECIALLY when one of them starts to bear fruit, like my Meyer Lemon!

I am not sure if the fruit will survive, but the joy of seeing a plant actually GROW is tremendously exciting to me :)  It makes me want to be a better gardener and thankful to the Lord for an indoor summer :)

Cake Plate Treat "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?"

Good morning sweet one!

It is a very cold 6F this morning!  Ice is forming on the pond, and we are in for several more days of very cold weather!

In fact, yesterday it even SNOWED!  Not enough to make snowmen out of, just flurries, so I thought I would make snowmen for today's Cake Plate Treat from a pin I found on Pinterest :)

These are easy enough to do, but I will be honest, they turned out to be a little trouble.  The donuts I bought were the Hostess brand, but seemed too dry and brittle for this (you can see how they are starting to crack).  These snowmen won't stand--the donuts won't bear the weight.  This would be best if they were laid out flat on a cookie sheet then CAREFULLY transferred to a plate.  It looks as if you are supposed to eat them off of the stick, but they will fall apart.

BUT they sure are cute (when they aren't falling apart! :) ).  And even broken donuts are fabulous!

I couldn't even get a good photo, but at least you get the general idea.  This is one Pinterest project that needs tweaking :)  Perhaps a different brand of donut would be better.  Maybe next time.  Or perhaps I will get the chocolate ones (I like those better anyway) and make "Mudmen" :)

Gleaning Blessings From The Fields

^" When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow, so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands.  When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow.  When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard, do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow." Deuteronomy 24:19-22New International Version (NIV)

My dear friend, I wanted to tell you about a wonderful group we have started working with.  It is the Society of St Andrew. (this is their fb page of our local group).  It is a group that goes to local farmers' fields and gathers the gleanings to take to the soup kitchens and children's homes, etc to help feed the poor and struggling.

Sometimes we are out in the field, but also sometimes the farmers have already harvested and bring the culls to a place where the SSA volunteers can sort through and bag the perfectly edible food.

Farmers have a lot of excess because grocery stores will only accept the most "perfect" looking fruits and vegetables and have strict guidelines.  One store will reject the ENTIRE shipment from a farmer if they open the first box and see one sweet potato that is too long, too short, too thin, or crooked.  

We are not just gleaning blessings of food for the poor, but are also gleaning blessings for ourselves as well:  fresh air, honest labor, the joy of doing unto others. 

The Boy and I are having tremendous fun with this!  Harvesting is always my favorite part of gardening, so this is right up my alley.  The Boy seems to enjoy the manual labor on behalf of another (and he gets out of schoolwork for the day ;) ).  The poor get food.  The farmers have a place to take their excess (and probably get to write it off) and we get to honor the Lord.  It is a win-win-win!

Yesterday we were going to go two places:  Huntsville and Cullman, but the Huntsville field took more time than we thought, so we will get to Cullman another time.  The lady who runs it here is such a ray of sunshine!  So sweet and friendly!

I love working alongside my son, of course, but also people from all walks of life--some struggling, some successful, young, old, black, white....all of us working together to bring food to the hungry.  It's like a preview of heaven (though heaven won't have hungry people, but it WILL have joyful people who come together, and the evil human biases of age, race, color, etc will be gone forever!)

If you are interested, here is the web page for the Society of St Andrew 
(This is different than the fb link I posted above :) )

This is a GREAT opportunity for Scouts, homeschoolers, children to learn about charity, for retired folk...for everyone!  I cannot encourage it enough :)

Love, Steph

Wheat!!

Good morning my sweet friend!

We have exciting news:  our wheat has sprouted!!  If you remember, a while ago I mentioned how we wanted to try to grow our own wheat.  We had such a grand time growing, drying, and grinding our own corn that I wanted to try our own wheat as well.

The Wonder Sweetie had tilled up a patch of ground by the greenhouse where we plan to plant our corn next spring, so he put another plot right beside it for the wheat.

In our area we plant winter wheat.  I cannot tell you what a blessing it is, my dear one, to drive through the area in winter, when the leaves are gone and the grass is brown, and come upon a field that is covered in a bright, spring-green haze!  It is like a promise of summer in the middle of winter and lends such a beauty and brings lightness to the heart when the cold gets heavy.

We wanted to try to grow heritage strains of wheat, but since this is our first effort and we were not sure what we were doing, we decided to go with wheat that a local feed store offers.  We are saving our little packets of heritage wheat for spring planting, God willing.

Last week TWS and I went out looking to see if our wheat had sprouted.  We tried to compare the corn bed with the wheat bed, but both had some green grass and weeds sprouting and it was hard to see if the wheat had come up.

Yesterday, though, I wandered to the bed and it was very obvious that the wheat bed had sprouted!

Now we just hope and pray that the wheat has established enough roots for vernalization.  The wheat sprouts, then requires cold to kill it back so that it will produce reliably when the weather warms.  We are expecting 60 straight hours of below freezing starting tomorrow, and even when that breaks, I believe there is another cold snap on its heels, so hopefully it will be cold enough for vernalization but not kill the wheat completely.

TWS got a scythe for Christmas--can't wait for him to be able to use it!

We also scattered wheat in the hay field just to see what would happen.

I hope you have a lovely day :)  Let's chat soon!

Love, Steph

Good Sunday Morning!

How are you today, my sweet friend?  I hope well :).

We had some storms last night, but they were not as bad here as they predicted.  Now the cold is supposed to move in.  I am familiar with the cold from our time in Alaska, but it is still quite an event here in Alabama.  We are supposed to have 60 hours of below freezing temperatures.  That might not sound like much (especially to folk from the north!) but it is a topic of conversation down here! :)

I wanted to show you a picture I took over the pond a few days ago.  The sky was such a beautiful salmon pink and the lightly rippled clouds made the colors even more stunning.

Here is another picture showing the perfect mirror of the pond reflecting the soft cotton candy nubs of the clouds.

I hope you have a blessed day, my friend.  Spend some time with the Lord today because He loves you so much!  Even if YOU feel far from Him, HE is never far from you.  It is just sometimes we have our back turned and then claim we cannot see him.  Just turn into His arms and you will find Him waiting right there.  I promise you this is true :)

Love, Steph

In-Ground Fireworks

Doesn't this look JUST like green and white fireworks? :)  A little 4th of July in the middle of winter :)  (we aren't currently having a freeze--this was earlier in the winter)

One Of Those Days

Hello my sweet friend

Well yesterday was one of THOSE days.  One of those "wow I am not at all the person I though I was, not at all as faithful as I should be to the Lord, and basically need to do a LOT of prayer and soul searching" days.

I won't bore you with details but let me just give a hint to the drama:  at one point I was cussing (I pretty much NEVER cuss unless I get badly burnt on the stove or something), at another point I was sobbing so heavily on TWS's shoulder that I was honestly trying not to gag, at another point the family gently invited me to go rest while they threw a ruined meal that I had cooked away and cleaned the kitchen (it was REALLY bad--I said it needed to be thrown away first).

Even bread that I baked (and I am a pretty good bread baker) was ruined.

Precious and I were talking later about why I was SO upset and the real truth was not the undercooked chicken or the new-recipe fried cornbread that somehow had entirely too much baking soda in it to the point that it actually tasted tainted, or even fallen bread.

 The truth is that the smoke was in the air long before the proverbial fire hit the kitchen.  I had spent several glorious days basking in the Love of our Lord and that morning I turned a bit cold.  I still don't know why.  I had NOT turned my back on Jesus at all, but was just in sort of a cold mood to Him--kinda like how we love our parents or kids or sweeties or friends but some days we just sort of act like jerks.

That, my friend, was my downfall for yesterday.  Instead of staying put in bed and focusing on getting myself geared up for spiritual battle, I just sort of ignored my mood and went on my day.  That allowed the enemy to gain a foothold in my heart, in my mind, in my spirit.  It left me unprepared, ungirded, unprotected for the day.  I was awful, I was lost, and I fell completely apart.

Now, as much as I hate this and am still begging the Lord for His mercy and forgiveness, it taught me incredible lessons.  Since I sometimes I suspect that the purpose of my life is to serve as a warning to others ;), I want to humble myself in my failure publicly with you, and to let you know how to avoid what happened to me and what I learned.

1)  He really is all merciful.  Let's start with the biggest takeaway first.  He is kind.  He is not outdone by kindness or forgiveness by anyone.  There is only one unpardonable sin, and even being a jerk to Jesus is not it (but definitely don't do it!).

2) Spiritual battle is real.  It is.  If you feel yourself feeling "meh" spiritually, Be. On. Your. Guard.

3) Emotions are not an infallible gauge of spiritual strength or weakness or anything.  Just because things FEEL bad, that does not mean they are.  Just because you FEEL invulnerable, that does not mean you are.  Your heart is NOT your spirit.  Your heart is human and twitchy and can feel different things depending on sleep levels or hormones or the events of the day.  If you feel upset, STOP, rely on your spirit, not on your heart.

4)  However, emotions can be useful guides to your spiritual state.  If I had stopped earlier yesterday and used my "meh" as a signal to stop and think and pray and draw closer to the Lord, then the emotions that were drawn out during the cooking fiasco would have been reduced or may not have been there at all.  I actually can laugh at my cooking disasters usually.   I pretty much never break down in tears over them, and definitely not sobbing so hard that I choke.

5)  We can't let recent success lull us into thinking we can't be beat.  Just like how the top seeded team in football will lose to an underdog because they get cocky, so too can we get spiritually uppity and neglect to remember our own frailty.

6)  Everything good comes from the Lord.  I realized that my good, the good I do, the good I am, is 100% from the Lord.  I am not naturally good.  He is naturally good.  I have one foot in heaven and one foot in humanity, and I can lean one way or the other.  If I do not lean to Him, rely on Him for my footing, then my "heaven foot" slips and I plant both feet into the quicksand of the enemy.


Today is a new day.  It is overcast like yesterday.  I am still emotionally "hung over" from yesterday and am taking this time to be submissive to Him, to try to correct my errors in thinking, to re-establish my footing.  I am afraid, my dear friend, because I was so awful.  But then this is faith, yes?  Knowing what you deserve and trusting that the Lord loves you enough to understand and help you do better.

Pray for me and I will pray for you :)  I love you :)

Cake Plate Treat: Citrus White Chocolate Cookies

Good morning my most wonderful friend!  I hope your New Year's Eve was a fabulous one.  Ours was fairly sedate.  We went to bed before 8pm!  TWS and I are early (!) risers.

AND apparently I should have been making Cake Plate Treats, not blogging about them yesterday :).  Last night TWS harrumphed about absent treats ;).  Precious, throwing me under the bus, stated firmly that the Cake Plate *IS* clean.  (xsighx  Thanks.  You're grounded. ;) )

I mentioned left over Christmas Candy--no go.  Then I mentioned the tin of Danish Butter Cookies which bought me a little time to fill the void in our kitchen :D

I ahem "adapted" the recipe from here: Orange Creamsicle Cookies.  I did not have oranges, I had lemons.  I did not have LOTS of lemons for zest, I had one.  I cut the butter in half, added back in about a quarter cup of unrefined coconut oil, and added a LOT more lemon extract.  And squirted some lemon juice into the dough because it looked a bit dry (and I had rindless lemon halves and nothing to do with them).

Truly I almost never follow the recipe.  I do, though, make sure NOT to write the blogger back and complain about how it did not turn out if I changed even one iota of the recipe :)  Usually my changes are fine, sometimes not so much.

Today the changes were really awesome :)  The lemon was suitable as a substitute, and the coconut oil added a hint of tropical flair.  The key to it, though, was the white chocolate chips.  They added a creamy, smooth depth that elevated the cookie from "eh, beats celery" to "Oh make it again!  Wait, you didn't write down what you did, did you babe...xsighx" (he knows me so well :) )

 Isn't that photo lovely?  Doesn't the deep rose of the tea look happy and beautiful in the cup?  Don't you just love food photography?

Hmmm....I love teacups but they are so small!  I finished the tea in the cup in....maybe three swallows.  Then I went back to the kitchen to make myself a REAL cup of tea.

 

THIS is what I drink my coffee in every day:  a French Onion Soup Bowl.  See the difference?  I don't know if you can tell, but the teacup holds only 4 ounces.  The onion soup bowl holds SIXTEEN!  Sixteen ounces of happiness and sunshine :) I DO have a pretty mug that I will drink tea in, but that still holds 8-10 ounces--enough to sip for a few minutes anyway :)

What about you?  Do you have a favorite mug, tea cup, bowl?   Do you use different vessels for different beverages?

Christmas Cake Plate Treat

Hello my fair friend!

I wanted to share a cake plate treat that I whipped (seriously, SO quickly!) together right before Christmas.  I got the idea off of Pinterest (of course :) ).

I took two sizes of Reese's cups, chocolate kisses, spray can frosting, and sprinkles.  I also used white chocolate chips.

Essentially you use a dab of frosting to "glue" a small cup, then a large upside down cup, then a small upside down cup, then a hershey kiss.  Glue the white chip on top.  Squirt frosting around each ledge (you will see them when you put these together) and then put sprinkles on :)  Super quick.  I did cut the very tip off of the chocolate kisses so that the white chips would stay on better.

 I put powdered sugar all over the cake plate.  Not necessary for eating, but it REALLY made a difference in presentation.

All done!  I knew it was a hit when the kids AND TWS got that sort of "I am too old to squeal like a 5 year old.....but I REALLY want to squeal like a five year old" look of delight :)