Struggling With Faith When Others Seem To Get It

My dear one,

I was thinking today about my faith walk.  My faith is so much stronger than it used to be.  I have endured much through the grace of God and He has made me better than I ever could be alone.  I have known joy in trial, how to forgive, and even occasionally (perhaps rarely :) ), patience.

However, it has not always been this way.  I remember feeling like a fake at church.  I remember praying and my prayers seeming to get stuck in the popcorn ceiling.  I remember doubts and even a fair bit of grouchiness to the Lord.  I have felt far and sinful, and sometimes I even deliberately WENT far and sinful.  When I saw people with such deep sincere faith--their voice filled with hope, their faces filled with peace and their days filled with joy--it made me feel like a phony.   I yearned for the Lord, but could not figure out how to find what they had.

Read that last sentence, my sweet one, because the start of the secret to finding what I was seeking lies in there--I yearned for the Lord.  That is all I needed to do!  I desired Him and eagerly, if imperfectly, sought Him.

So where did I go wrong and why didn't I feel close to Him?  Because I kept trying to make faith instead of accept what He gave.  I kept trying to earn His love instead of just letting Him love me.  I kept trying to MAKE and to DO and to FORCE when I needed to TRUST and REST and BE.

You see, He already loves you.  He already has taken care of you.  You would not desire Him if He had not put that there in you....so your very longing for Him is proof for you that you have Him.  Truly, let me say that again:  your desiring Him means that He is there for you.  He will never leave you--even when you are doubtful or concerned or grouchy. 

(Now, if you do not long for Him, all is not lost.  People come to Him at different times.  But I encourage you strongly to start looking for Him and He will be right there for you. )

I discovered that my problem is that I was striving because I did not really accept and understand His love.  Once I started resting in His love, suddenly faith and a faithful life became a lot easier.  Suddenly there was no condemnation of old sins....or new sins!  Suddenly my prayers went farther than the roof and church went from "have to" to "want to". 

In fact, I found that my prayers became more real and fulfilling when I stopped only saying "God I love You" and instead started sometimes saying "God You love me"!  We love Him because he first loved us....but we forget that last part and sometimes never understood it at all.  So if you love Him then you KNOW that He loves you.  You can rest in that.  The Bible declares it.

So if you are like I was (and honestly, still am from time to time) intimidated because you don't weep at church or glow with supernatural joy, just be patient my love.  Draw closer to Him and He WILL draw closer to you--He never lies and He said this very thing.  Start with the basics:  accepting in your heart His love for you.  Everything else will fall into place, I promise.