Swimming Through The Fog

Good morning my sweet friend!

My we are up early!  I don't know about you, but I see a nap heading my way here soon :)

I just wanted to catch you up on life this week :)

First of all, my last post, I know, was a bit introspective.  To be honest, it was a harbinger of about two weeks of navel staring and spiraling despondency!  I wrote dreadful poetry, cried often, and misinterpreted the words of loved ones to be attacks on my worth as a person (which they were not doing!).

I am not a despondent person at all.  In fact, if I am down for more than a day, one of my friends starts to freak out a bit.

However, sometimes we need bouts of positive disintegration for the Lord to move us forward!  Which He mercifully did!!!

I cannot tell you the difference in the past few days.  I went from feeling like I was wandering aimlessly through the fog, depressed actually (which I NEVER am), to having a clear head and firm footing.  It just took going to the pool, which I had not done in weeks.

Ok, it was more than going to the pool, but that certainly helped!  There, in the warm, blue water, with the scent of chlorine wafting like the finest perfume ever created tickling my nose and the sounds of music that I reserve just for my swim times in my ears, the Lord reminded me of who I am, of how He made me.  He taught me that I have gumption and always have (I had forgotten).  He reminded me of how sovereign and kind He is.  He reminded me that He loves me--even with my sins and stumbles and failures--and always will.

I emerged from the pool dauntless and excited about life for the first time in a long time!  The sorrows and issues that had been the volleys that the enemy was using to make me think I was bleeding were still there BUT I was suddenly aware that I was not actually wounded, that the Lord had made me strong.  I was pretend bleeding and needed to stop. :)

I swam, literally and figuratively, out of that mire, that sense of "falling without ever hitting the ground".

My friend, when you feel despondent, overwhelmed, scarred from the past, wounded in the present, and afraid for the future, I pray that you will draw closer to the Lord, for there is love and mercy for you.  If you feel that He is far away, that is a lie--He is right with you.  It is like you are a child who has turned away and now feels lost, even though your Father is literally within arm's reach.  Just turn around and curl up at His feet and let His love and assurance of your worth in Him, how much He really really LIKES you and wants to be with you, to spend time with you, comfort you.  Keep your thoughts on Him until the enemy realizes that you will not be fooled anymore and flees.  Then keep your thoughts on Him so that you will not be weighed low by anxieties and stress again. :)

Today, my friend, the light of the person that He made me (and you!) to be is starting to break through the cracks and shine.  I am remembering how fun it is to learn something new.  I am divesting myself of the self imposed "Oh....I don't know if this is what I am supposed to do, so I will do nothing" broken thoughts that were running through my head.  I am embracing the life that He gave me, more and more each day, and am eagerly waiting for His physical return, even as I work diligently to keep my heart and mind and spirit focused on Him.

And with that, I am happily spent.  My belly is full from cornbread and butter that I had for breakfast and I am ready to go nap so I have the energy to seize this life with both hands. :)

God bless you, my dear friend!  Love you!!!