Do you ever get so overwhelmed by the incredibleness of the blessings that the Lord has shown to you that you just break down and weep?
I will be honest, I am not a weeper. I cry when I am frustrated or angry (which bugs me to no end!); I cry when I am hurt. But I am very rarely so overwhelmed with a wave of gratitude that I sob. I see people in church who are moved to open, streaming tears and, honestly, have felt a little guilty that I did not feel whatever it was that they were feeling that made them break down in joy. I have felt the exultation of the Lord in church many times, I have felt conviction and forgiven in church, I have felt peace and happiness in church pretty much every time we go, but rarely have I had such realization of a blessing that I could not contain it.
This morning, as I was folding laundry, of all things, I was talking to the Lord (me doing most of the talking :) ). Suddenly I realized the magnitude of some blessings He had given me, and my heart was so overcome by the kindness and mercy that tears were the only response. Not a tiny cute tear to dab daintily in the corner of an eye, but pouring, streaming, choking, unabashed tears of a person who just realized they were healed from illness and wounds they thought they would never be healed from. They were the tears of a parent whose lost child has been found. They were the tears of a soldier holding his new child for the first time after returning home. They were the tears of reprieve, of a clear medical test, of forgiveness received, of finally being safe and out of danger.
The funny/tragic thing is that these blessings that had moved me to tears today were blessings I have had for a long time. I received no news today that would change my life forever. The Lord simply opened my eyes, stilled my mind, long enough for me to truly see. Even now, when I let that little door of my heart be opened, I am blinking back tears.
How I could have spent so long being thankful but not THIS thankful, THIS aware, I have no idea. Chalk it up to life, to being jaded or expectant or busy or foolish or distracted....I don't know. All I know is that today I am so thankful to the Lord that I do not even know what to say to Him. I am so overwhelmed that I do not know how to react but to tell you about His goodness. All I know is that I am SO terribly sorry that I have not praised Him as much as I could have for what He has done. My gratitude would have been pitiful compared to the blessings, but I could have tried harder :). I wonder what other overwhelming, incredible blessings that He has given me that I have taken for granted? The thought both troubles me and heartens me. I am troubled that I do not/have not/can not see all that He has done for me, but I am heartened and excited that He might break my heart open just a little bit more so that I may fully embrace His blessings and know His love for me, His unmerited, undeserved love that He pours out on ALLLLLL of His babies.
So today, my dear friend, look at Him. Ask Him to show you how much He has blessed you and be ready to open your mind and heart and spirit to it. So often we get bogged down in the roughness of the bark of the trees that we do not see the incredible, magnificent, soul soothing, heart breaking, body strengthening, spirit nurturing forest of our life that He made specifically for each one of us.
No comments:
Post a Comment